My Life, My Voice.

Of 6 months, 20 days, 20 hours.

2011-06-20T05:08:00.000-07:00

Over the years, seeing those years of animals celebrated in association with CNY, I kinda got excited about the year of the Rabbit - my year. I don't take it to heart, of course. These things, like the zodiac, are just fun elements for me. I obviously don't believe that such things would determine the kind of person you are, or the kind of life you'll live. But it's really fun to read!

So, finally, year 2011 came.........Year of the Rabbit! I was ecstatic, looking to see what they say about this year, what sort of fun it offers, etc.

And then it happened. "Something has changed within me, something is not the same....". The year started with a bang. It came out of nowhere. A bang so loud and sharp it pierced right to the heart.......but it didn't go through. It stayed there......for minutes.......hours.....days....and months. It didn't leave me. And it hurts. Deep. I felt the pain every minute, from the moment I wake up to the time I close my eyes for the night.

I carried the pain to work, to the mall, to lunches, dinners, not because I wanted to, but because I can't figure out how to box it and throw it off a cliff somewhere. Hmm.....you'd think all that Alias watching would've have made me better at compartmentalizing. Apparently not. Soon after, I started noticing a bigger change. I did things I'd never done before. I said things and react in the most bizarre way. I was the opposite of me. I became the very person I'd hate. I became them.

Things I've always been sure about, I wasn't certain about anymore. And it was difficult to figure out where I was, where I stood and where I should've gone. What I wanted, or needed? Don't even go there....I just didn't know.

But I didn't give in. I resisted, as much as I could, trying to justify and rationalize every thought; what's good and what's bad, right and wrong. I resisted. And then came mid February and I met up with a good friend I've not seen for quite a while. During our conversation, we got to talking about life, friends and how hard things are at times. And without first realizing it, I started feeling better. It was almost like a knock on the head, really. That sudden realization that this problem I had, this pain, is not the only problem in the world. Others have it tough too, if not worse. So it took away this anxiety, this, constant 'why me, why now' questions I've been focusing so much on asking. and it made my heart lighter. At least for a bit.

By the time March arrived, I was feeling a lot better. The pain had almost been lifted in its entirety, with only some trace left, small enough to ignore. Being around good friends and family helped a lot. Celebrations didn't hurt too :P

As the month progressed, I felt no more pain. It was hard to believe, really. There were times when I tried to dig in, trying to see if I could feel it again somewhere in there, but it was gone. I wasn't complaining.....it's just that....for it to just be gone completely, when only weeks before, it was the only constant thing I felt. It was....surreal.

Several more things took place between April and June, some good, some not so good. But the year seemed to be getting fine again.....with only occasional sighting of dark shadows (no, I'm not talking about ghost guys, so stop there).

Now, in the mid year, I'm back to the me I know. Things are more in place than out. Things are good. Things are fine. I'm back and I'm happy.

But my perspective has changed, somewhat. For good.

Of old friends, road trip and Beyonce

2011-02-04T07:57:00.000-08:00

Wa or Wawa or Salmah or Salwa

Fit or Nur

Hadi (sorry buddy, your nicknames are too fancy for print :P )

I had the chance to catch up with 3 ex-schoolmates today. We met at Pizza Hut (there are only 2 fast food outlets here in Kuala Kangsar, the other one being KFC). Yes, that's right, not even a McDonalds.

Something you should know about us (not just us 4, but for the whole school gang) is that we're loud. We've always been, and I doubt it'll change anytime soon. So, even though there were only 2 other tables occupied on the upper floor, I bet it sounded like the floor was full. Haha.

Many things came up during the chat but the one that took the cake must have been the one about some Datin who's so rich, she once bought a luxury handbag by cutting ahead of Beyonce in a queue (by doubling the amount of money the singer was paying for it). LOL! If you want details, ask Hadi, not me :)

At one point, Wa mentioned about a tasty Char Kuey Tiaw Doli in Taiping, so we changed Hadi's plan of going to Ipoh for a movie into a dinner road trip to Taiping instead. Fit couldn't go so it was just us 3 in Hadi's car, along the old road to Taiping (I still prefer the highway Hadi!).

When we finally got there, after a couple of wrong turns around Taman Tasik, we saw this written on the roller shutter - "We are open everyday except Friday". And of course today's Friday. Joy. Wa totally made up for it though, by introducing us to the infamous Yong Tau Foo Sotong Kangkong, located near the Doli place. It was awesome! Judging by the big crowd, I'd say this place is very popular. Highly recommended when you're in Taiping. It's near the Taman Tasik Bomba Station.

I'm thinking all future get-together should incorporate a food road trip!

Of here and now

2011-01-29T17:03:00.000-08:00

Someone I know quoted Oprah yesterday -

"I believe that there's almost no situation that I can't handle, and it is whatever it is. I can just sort of meld into whatever that moment is. I believe in staying present, staying now, dealing with that and not worrying about what is to come."

While there may be situations which I can't exactly handle, it's that third sentence that really caught my attention. I do tend to over-think things at times. ANALyze, if you will. And it's funny (read:tragic) how your mind keeps moving towards the bad side of things, when you think too much about it (and I should really know this already, I was taught NEVER to analyze, back in the direct selling days).

So now I'm reminded that I need to stay in the present. Stay here, and now. And do what's right, right now. And see how it goes from there to the next day, and then to the next, and then to the ..(well you get the idea).

And if it doesn't work, I'll analyze it some more. Oops! That's thinking about it eh? No,no.....I shall have none of that.

I suppose then it's a good thing that I can still tell right from wrong, good from bad.

Thanks to Chris for sharing the quote, when he did.

Of change and the human heart

2011-01-07T17:21:00.001-08:00

Is it possible for one, being an adult, having shaped and formed life-long preferences and habits, to just one day change?

Can a control freak suddenly change and totally lose control?

Can someone so well-planned have a sudden change of heart and decide to go with the flow?

Can one who was always in control of one's emotion, needs and wants, gets hit with feelings of helplessness, uncertainty and constant anxiety?

Can one's mind just one day abandons logic and reasoning and gives way to the matter of the heart?

Can one's heart just do whatever it pleases?

Can it?

Is one not to have control over it?

Should one even try?

I love asking questions....... :P

Of the mind and the human heart

2011-01-07T09:20:00.000-08:00

Our minds tell us what's logical, reasonable, what's right and what's wrong. It projects strings of courses and its probable consequences, giving us the knowledge of choices. The mind also picks best-of options and steer us towards it, remaining faithful to basic ideology of righteousness. A sound mind empowers us to create and innovate, deduce and multiply, correct and enhance, and it does so with black and white. Right and wrong. Logical and irrational. So as long as we stay sane, our minds keep us safe, right? Wrong.

Enters the human heart. The essence of being. More spiritual than science. More intuitive than logical. It rights the wrongs and wrongs the rights. And it does so with full conviction. If the mind operates based on objectivity, the heart, well, the thing is, there's no explaining the human heart. Nothing I found conclusive anyway. Except for one; It wants what it wants.

Hence the predicament; should we let our minds chart the course or should we allow our heart's intuition to steer us? The obvious answer to that would be to strike a balance between both.

But then again, that's pretty much the answer to everything isn't it?

Of coming, going and staying put.

2011-01-01T19:41:00.000-08:00

Gosh, it's been more than half a year that I've neglected to pen down my thoughts in here. But then again it's not exactly out of character.

A lot has happened in the past 7 months. There was a 2-week London trip, more Bali trips, made new friends, attended some get-together, had a great family photo shoot for Aidilfitri and celebrated mom's bday with a trip to Universal Studio, Singapore among others. Hmm.....each of these events would have made a great blog post! Maybe I'll write about them later. But as much as I love travelling, I really do enjoy staying at home. I'd be on the couch, with the remote in hand, watching movies and cool TV shows like my current favorites - Fringe and Modern Family.

In a few hours, I'll be flying off to a place I've never been before, Bintulu, Sarawak for a week. From what I hear, people most often visit Bintulu for work and most of them are in the Oil and Gas Industry. Staying true to a cool routine, I'm going in conjunction of a hotel opening (read: work).

As always, I'll be scouting for the following: Great local food, best cinema the town has to offer and high quality dvds (yes, the gold disc, not the dvdr) :P

Too bad there's no Starbucks over in Bintulu.

Of family, new and old

2010-05-10T08:31:00.000-07:00

I come from a moderately-small family. I have 3 other siblings, 1 elder brother and 2 elder sisters. And me. That makes me youngest of age, biggest of size :P My mom, however, came from a much smaller family. She only has 1 other sibling - her younger sister, or 'sis' as she always calls her. I enjoy listening to my mom's stories about her younger days, though some of them are rather sad. You see, my mom had to quit school when she was 10 years old. She quit so that she could work and earn enough money, so that her sis could go to school. Such sacrifice. I see my mom's eyes light up whenever she tells me those stories of what she and her sis used to do when they were kids, getting into trouble and all. These stories always only have 2 characters in it, cos they're not allowed to mix around with other kids much, if not at all. And I can tell that she loves her sis deeply, and that they were really close. After all, they only have each other.

Until one day, her sis told her that she had found her real family. Apparently, my mom and her sis were both adopted by my grandparents when they were babies, and that they came from different families. My mom's sis was very excited to have finally found her true family and as she talks about them, she'd say things like my brother, my that, my this, my sis. My SIS. My mom was heartbroken, cause to her, she's her only sis in her life. But such is life. One's happiness doesn't always guarantee the same for another.

I've asked my mom once, whether she have thoughts about her real family. She said no, and that her family is the family she grew up with, even if her sis feels otherwise. I had tears in my eyes.

That was many years ago. About 2 weeks ago, however, I was shocked to hear from my brother that my mom has just met her real brother, her elder brother in Kuala Kurau, a place we used to go to during Raya, when I was much younger. This came as a shock to me because I had no idea that my mom was looking for her real family. When I spoke with my mom the other day, she sounded really happy, and I am happy for her. As it turns out, my mom comes from a family of 9 siblings. 9! Not 2, but 9!! I wonder how my mom feels about that. And while I'm still getting used to the idea of the new found brother, my mom has now met up with her younger sister! I have to say that I had many questions as to how my mom found out about her real family, and there's this big 'what if' at the back of my mind, you know, kinda questioning 'how do we really know?'............but I felt overwhelmed with emotion when I saw photos of my mom and her sis taken at dinner by my brother. There's a striking resemblance between them two. I do not know any better but I find myself believing that they are indeed sisters. I had tears in my eyes.

Now, I have yet to see my mom face-to-face since I heard the news of her meeting her brother. And I'm dying to talk and hear her talk about it, but I am away in JB now for work, and will be here till the 18th. But from the sound of it, she's happy. And that's all I want for her.

I love you mom.

Of nasi pedas, tipat and hating vegetables

2010-04-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

I'm at my Third Place again. Leaving for Bali in about 2 hours. There is a Venti Espresso and Cream Frappuccino (nothing beats sipping a Frappuccino early in the morning!) on my table and beside it, is Grandma's Apple Pie. Well, not my actual grandma's of course :P

I like Bali. I like it a lot. I'm sure Jason would disapprove. Hehe....Jason is one of my colleagues and I guess he hadn't had a good experience in the Island of the Gods yet. Speaking of which, I should really get him that I Love Bali tee. :P

As always, I make it a point to try out local dishes wherever I go. It often adds a plus point to my destinations :)

My mom loves spicy food, so when we were told during our trip that there's a famous spicy rice dish in Bali called Nasi Pedas, we knew she must try it! And boy did she love it!! You see, there's been other told-to-be-spicy dishes in Bali that she has tried, but none is as spicy as she likes them to be. So, with this Nasi Pedas, my mom has finally met her match! Seduced by curiosity (as opposed to by my fondness of spicy food), I, on trips I made later, tried it myself. And yes it is AWESOME! Okay, granted that I had just a tiny bit of sambal, but side dishes offered are cooked spicy anyway, so there's really no escaping the spiciness. Behind all the hotness, there's a taste that is too delicious to describe. Especially if you get those crispy small fish. YUM!! So, let it be known that if you're ever in Bali, you should never leave without having at least one helping of the heavenly-spicy Nasi Pedas. And if you think "No thank you, I cannot take spicy stuff", guess what? So can't I. You gotta try it, still.

And if you find the urge to chicken out too hard to defy, then I have something else for you. It's called Tipat (am not entirely sure how to spell it but that's how it sound like when they say it). It's very similar to Nasi Himpit or Ketupat. This dish is a mixture of cube rice, bean sprouts and long beans - all wonderfully covered in a creamy n spicy (or lightly spicy - customized to your liking, you chickens! LOL!) peanut sauce, which is hand-made fresh, right before your eyes! It is fantastic!! It's munching-on-the-bean-sprouts-and-long beans good!!! And if you know me at all, you'd know that that's bad for me! Haha!!!

So yeah, I hate vegetables. I have been for as long as I can remember. I'm not sure why, but I just can't agree with the taste. Especially those with stems. Top hate items are carrots, tomatoes, celery. Urghh! But there are exceptions. I can generally take in those that are crushed or mushed beyond recognition such as Kangkung Belacan or any other strictly leafy vege variations. That or anything drenched with peanut sauce, vinaigrette or other tasty dressing (honey mustard sauce also comes to mind). Ooh there's another exception - Popiah. That, I like! :)

I'll be in Bali over the next 5 days and am looking forward to enjoy the 2 amazing must-haves there.

Care to join me?

Summary of 2009 movies - Quarter 2

2010-04-21T07:38:00.000-07:00

Last December, I posted movies I saw between January - March 2009. So here's the second installment

Quarter 2 - April to June:

1. Fast & Furious 4 - I enjoyed this 4th installment of the movie franchise the most. It felt like it had more guts to it. Too bad Michelle Rodriguez's character had to die. But still, I liked it so much I saw it twice :)

2. Confessions of a Shopaholic - Isla Fisher is really sweet! I was smitten after I saw her in Definitely Maybe and she was pretty good in this one too. Loved the credit card-buried-in-ice breaking moment!

3. Talentime - I saw this movie at MBO with Wan and it was such a tear-jerker! It's a wonderfully-lovely story! Funniest moment was when Azian Irdawati's character joked "I won't lose hair over it" in response to something her son said. She had chemo and she's almost bald for it! I laughed pretty loud :P

4. Knowing - This was a cool movie and I loved the effects. It was a little creepy too, what with the young girl hiding in the cupboard, scratching the wooden door with her nails. But I can't seem to remember how it ended. Hmm...time to get the dvd. Hehe.

5. Paul Blart Mall Cop - Hmmm.........this one wasn't that good. It had some funny scenes but that was it. Nothing memorable. Not deserving of the RM9 I paid for.

6. Queens of Langkasuka - I don't watch foreign movies often. This one had some cool action scenes, so it wasn't too bad. Overall, just average though.

7. Passengers - I love Anne Hathaway! She was brilliant in Bride Wars, which I picked as one of my top 3 movies for Q1. She plays a totally different type of character in this one. A therapist. A confused one. A dead one. I liked the movie, it has the Sixth Sense kinda twist. Nice.

8. Crossing Over - I went into this one with a high hope. I mean it was Harrison Ford and Ashley Judd so yeah, I was pretty sure that it would be really good, but came out rather disappointed. I did love the premise of the movie; about people getting in / out of the U.S. illegally, how they're tracked and caught and stuff, and of course the emotional factors involved with risking your life for better living. All in all, average.

9. He's Just Not That Into You - Loved it!!! Great actors and story and it proved what I've been saying all along - we, the guys, are straight-forward. If we like something, we'll say we like it. And if we like something strong enough, we'll do whatever we need to have it. Therefore, if we didn't say we like it, please don't assume that we do and that we're just too shy to admit it. If we want to call you, we'd call you. If we don't, it's because we don't want to call. See. Mixed signals my ass. Oops.

10. Make It Happen - Boy this one was fun! Mary Elizabeth Winstead was awesome!!!!! Loved the performance scenes!! It was so good it left me wanting more!!! Definitely a favorite!!

11. X Men Origins: Wolverine - This movie did not live up to my expectations, and I loved all the other X Men movies but this one had a different feel to it. Thank god for the last few fight scenes though, my favorite is the one that took place on top of the nuclear plant structure. Simply awesome!! I hope the next origin movie would feature more of gambit in action. Hmmm.....I just realized I saw this movie twice. I can't remember why. maybe it was a slow week at the movies. hehehehe....

12. Star Trek - Easily one of the best movie of 2009!!!! When I heard that J.J. Abrams was on the director's seat I knew it would be a renewed legacy. And it surely delivers!! It made Star Trek cool again!! It also have a good score, very stylish. Stylishly Star Trek. Many goosebumps moment! Sequels please!! And yes, I saw this movie twice, no surprise there.

13. Angels & Demons - Up to this day, I still haven't seen The Da Vinci Code, but I enjoyed this movie. Ewan McGregor almost stole the show from right under Tom Hanks's nose. Loved the twist and ending bit. Really thought he was the world's saviour for a moment there.

12. I Love You, Man - I have said before that Paul Rudd might just be the next big thing in the comedy line, and he was excellent in this one, but his career isn't exactly as big as I thought it would be by now. Too bad. But then it's only April :)

13. Push - I was really psyched to see Dakota Fanning all grown up and dark in this one. She was good, but the character wasn't big enough. Saw it once in the movie, bought the dvd, haven't put it on. Overall, pretty good, but no memorable lines / scenes.

14. Night At The Museum - I thought the first one was so-so, and I liked this one more than the first. Possibly because of Amy Adams. or the thinking man. Hmmm...........which one is it? Hmmm.....I'm thinking...................................................I'm thinking............................. LOL!!

15. Battle For Terra - This was a must-see for me because its poster looked a bit like Star Wars animated series. And the story turned out to be pretty good. Cool action too. but no light saber action. Crap. Hehe...

16. Monsters vs Aliens - This one was lame. Seriously, it was. Wasn't really funny, wasn't full of action, wasn't this, wasn't that. And I had high hopes going in. The only saving grace was Bob. he was the only one with the funny lines. Unfortunately, it wasn't enough to save the movie. Thumbs down on this one!

17. T4 - Christian Bale. Bigger and cooler robots. Sam Worthington. Moto-Terminators. What's not to like? I saw it twice. Nuff said. :P

18. Drag Me To Hell - Sam Raimi is back at his best!! Sylvia Ganush sent shivers to my spine!! I mean even the handkerchief is scary shit alright!! Loved every bit of it!! More please Mr Raimi!!! Definitely a favorite!!

19. State Of Play - Average. Dun have much to say for this one, except, I might have gotten played. Hehehe.

20. Blood - This one's pretty good. it's got gore, blood, sword action, all the recipe of a cool action movie. With action scenes like this, who cares about a storyline? :)

21. Transformers ROTF - Out of all the movies I saw in 2009, nothing could match the level of anticipation, enthusiasm and high hopes I had for this movie. I even held a countdown on Facebook about a few weeks before it opens at the movies! And I bought Transformers t-shirts. Like 5 of them! And they're all cool!! I thoroughly enjoyed the movie, I think it kicked ass! if I could change anything though, I would take out some of those stupid unfunny lines uttered by the autobot twins. Wasn't impressed at all. But hey, the rest was awesome, so all is forgiven! Oh yeah, I even bought the official prequel book to ROTF and I read it from cover to cover. If that ain't passion I dun know what is!!! :P Top pick!!

Gosh...................quarter 2 sure had the most number of movies of all the quarters in 2009.

My top 3 pick? Transformers ROTF, Talentime and Star Trek!

Of what, when and where, 10 years ago

2010-02-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

I was having dinner at Mid Valley with several friends, some of whom I was meeting for the first time, when a question was asked around the table - "Where were you and what were you doing 10 years ago?". My answer was "10 years ago, I was working here, in Mid Valley, at the Starbucks outlet on the ground floor".

Long after all of us left Mid Valley that night, the question kept playing in my head. And so I started thinking about events that happened in the year 2000. Here is what I remember:

In January, I was the Store Manager of #005 Mid Valley. My Shift Supervisors were Uzir and Angie. After several months, we were joined by Steven, Salleh and Andy, who later took my place, when I became a District Manager.

Back then, I rode a Honda EX-5 and boy, what a ride it was! I could go pretty much anywhere in town within 15 minutes! Well except for Klang Parade...that ride took an hour. And it gave me a numbed ass. LOL!!!

I was sharing a townhouse with 2 other housemates here in Ampang (and have moved twice , but in Ampang still). We had friends coming over almost every night and it was fun!

In the year 2000, I lost my beloved red Marlboro jacket - one of the most expensive items I had ever owned back then. My mom bought me the jacket, for me to wear when I ride back to Kuala Kangsar on my bike, which never happened - I would either take the bus or hitch a ride with my brother in his car. hehehe). Hmmm......in retrospect, maybe that's why I lost it! :P

Somewhere in that year, a divider at the traffic light near my house moved all of a sudden when I was riding by and so I fell and then lost my memory for the rest of the day - but that's a whole other post on its own, so moving on!

The year 2000 was also the starting point for me being comfortable with my body size and weight. Prior to that, I always wanted to be thin, because I thought I'd be happier. Of course, everybody can tell that that's not the case with me now. Cos I laugh and eat all the time! And I'm not exactly thin :)

Something else happened that year, something I'm eternally grateful for. But now's not the time to be talking about it. yet.

So that's about it, really. Those are major highlights ten years ago.

And 10 years from now, I'll blog about major events of 2010, kalau dipanjangkan umur, insyaallah.

Of Mee Sapi, being late and Top Spot

2010-02-21T16:37:00.000-08:00

I'm off to Kuching today for a few days - work trip as usual. The first time I visited Kuching was February last year, when I had a seriously-screwed-up issue with my then new phone - it auto-switched itself during the night, so the alarm I set died with it! Thanks to that, I came late to the training session I was conducting for the Waterfront hotel team. My first day of work in Kuching and I was late to my own training!! Crap.

To date, I've been to Kuching several times now and apart from making friends (which is always cool!), I also get to enjoy Kuching's gift to the culinary world - The Great Mee Sapi!! It's an awesome dish instant-like noodles with spicy soy sauce, thin and soft beef slices and served with a bowl of soup. It's divine! A must-have whenever I'm in the cat city.

But that's not all I eat here (Is it ever?) Khai have introduced me to this out-of-this-world seafood venue with a name only a few can decipher. It's called Taman Kereta. Why? Because it's a Car Park (It really is!). So I felt just a little tad stupid asking Khai the question. Hahah!!! The dishes here are all exquisitely-delicious and affordably-priced!! One of the best value you'd get in a seafood place, if not THE best!

So guess what I'll be doing for the next few days in Kuching? Well besides work I mean :)

Of music, snapping photos and the third place

2010-02-01T17:58:00.000-08:00

I am at LCCT now, on my way to Penang for a meeting. Thanks to a technicality (read: I wrongfully read the flight departure time), I'm now 2 hours early ahead of the boarding time. I could have slept in a little more this morning. Sigh.

I like flying. Ever since I was a kid, I had this fascination seeing planes take off, landing, flying above me, etc. The first time I flew, it was to Phuket via Penang airport in 2000 (Yeap, I started late). It was a small plane and it went a little shaky at times (to my horror!). Nevertheless, it was a fun ride!

Since the past few years, work has brought me around quite a bit, I've made trips to Kota Kinabalu, Kuching, Bali and Jakarta. I've never been to these places before, with the exception of Jakarta, so it was really great to see new things and best of all, make new friends!

The top 2 things that make flying a joy to me are listening to my playlist on my Sony Ericsson walkman phone and snapping photos! These are my 2 all-time favorite things to do. Well that and watching movies but that can prove to be difficult. So I save that for when I'm on my couch at home :)

Am sure a lot would agree with me when I say it's always great to see faces or things you're familiar with when you're on the road (Unless of course, if you're on one of those trips when you're trying to escape from the world and be in total isolation). This is what I do when I travel - I scout for the familiar green sign, the one with the smiling siren on it. The third place. My third place. And when I find this third place and step into it, I feel instant relaxation. It's something like that "uh-huh!" learning moment, only this one's more like the "Ahhhhhh.........." moment.

On today's flight I'll be listening to the song Try by Ash Brook, from the FAME soundtrack. A really beautiful track. Try it. You might just love it. And if you don't like it, tell me and I'll recommend you a different song. That or you should just get your ears checked ;P

Wow....time flies when you're a slow writer.

Later!

Of dinner, luck and odyssey

2010-01-14T03:43:00.000-08:00

On last friday, 8th January, my company held an annual dinner, in collaboration with several other sister companies. It was announced much earlier that there will be a lucky draw and days before the dinner date, there were emails announcing several great prizes up for grabs, namely 37" LCD TV, Nintendo Wii, RM3000 cash, home theatre system, a few laptops, etc. So I said to myself "Wouldn't it be cool if I get to bring home any of these cool prizes?".

However, if past lucky draws is any indication, luck hasn't been on my side. One of the biggest prizes I've ever won was a reading lamp. Yup.........a freakin reading lamp. Why the f word? Because it came without a lamp, and without a plug point. Apparently, those are items sold separately. Hahaha!!! But still, it was free. Joy.

So, this time around, me and Tuty were discussing about our luck and wondering what we'll get, wish list and all. Dream is nice :)

Fast-forward to the night of the event - Food was nice, venue was cool, people were great. And then came the lucky draw. First several prizes up for grabs were One Way Business Class Odyssey Bus Ticket from KL to Singapore for Two Persons. So the first name was called - not me, then the second - also not me, then the third - guess what? *drumroll* Muhamad Safuan!!! The crowd cheered!!! and I went "damn......I was supposed to get the TV or Wii or something." Oh well............I can't say I was truly surprised, given the history of my winnings. LOL!!

So, I laughed, Tuty laughed, everybody laughed.

The draw continued - more Odyssey bus tickets to be won, and after a few names, another name was called, one which brought me utter delight. Hehehe...Teuku Tutyliana!!!! LOL!!!! I laughed myself to tears!!! Hahah!!!! She won the very same prize I won!!! How's that for luck!!! Hahahah!!!! So, the same ritual ensued - Tuty laughed, I laughed (and way louder this time!), everybody laughed. Sufficed to say that Tuty was stalking me!! LOL!!

But we got good news the day after the event. The One-Way tickets turned out to be Returned tickets, so all-in-all, it's not too bad.

Better than a lamp-less, socket-less study lamp I must say!

Hmm........maybe next year I'll win a house, or a car, who knows! :P

Of truth, acceptance and holding on

2010-01-01T22:14:00.000-08:00

On most weekends, when I wake up in the morning (or afternoon :P) and leave the bedroom, I normally go to the couch and put on a dvd. It's almost like a ritual snooze moment before I get to starting my day. Only I'm awake and not still in bed.

Today, I put on Shrink starring Kevin Spacey. One of the quotes on the cover states "Spacey's best performance since Swimming with Sharks". Normally, all these quotes wouldn't account for much, we all know that, especially when I didn't even see Swimming with Sharks, but since it is, after all, Kevin Spacey, I expected the movie to be quite good. And it was.

Spoilers alert!

The story touches on the darker aspects of life - death of a loved one, the struggle of those left behind, drug addiction and an uninspired writer to name a few. The story unravels at a slow pace but it had some really good scenes and moments.

It highlights that when faced with so much grief, we often do not want to acknowledge the truth. or to even know the truth. Cos you feel it in your heart that it is ugly and sad. And so what good will it do to you? So you stall. You tell yourself "When I'm good and ready, when it's time, I'll open it. I'll find out." Only you have no idea when that will be. Heck, you don't even wanna know when you'll know.

So you focus on things that make you feel good. Things that calm you down. Things that could have you so focused that you stop thinking of everything else. Things that make the world go silent. And as long as you can keep doing this, everything else is off less importance.

And if, you stumble upon anyone whom you feel you could trust and confide in, and feel safe with, then you just might give in a little. Especially when you feel that they've gone through something similar and therefore could relate to how you're feeling. At the very least, you're not alone.

So.....when you finally find the spot where you start to feel safe, loved and worthy of it again, you'll find acceptance. You'll find the courage to face the truth, even if it breaks your heart all over again. Because deep down in your heart, you know, that you can't keep holding on to the past. And yes, it'll never go away. It'll only be easier, in time.

Well that's what you hope for anyway.

Summary of 2009 movies - Quarter 1

2009-12-26T00:29:00.000-08:00

At the beginning of 2009, I set a goal to keep all of my ticket stubs whenever I go watch a movie at the cinema. And so, now being December and all, it's time for that summary of 2009 movies:

I'll be posting the movies list by each Quarter so there'll be 4 posts altogether. But you already know that :)

Quarter 1 - January to March:

1. Australia - Overall quite good, had some memorable scenes.

2. Yes Man - I love Zooey Deschanel, and Jim Carrey was ok in this one.

3. Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans - Excellent prequel!! Saw it twice!! Best werewolf growls ever!!

4. Bride Wars - Fun movie!! and it had a memorable narrative at the end of the movie that rings true to the heart.

5. Inkheart - I didn't like this one so much. Everything about the movie is average.

6. Eden Lake - This was surprisingly good!! Had a lot of gore and was really, really dark. Not for Disney lovers. heheh.....I loved it!!!

7. Pink Panther 2 - Not too bad, good for a few laughs.

8. Watchmen - I found it to be too draggy, but then I'm not a follower of the comic, so I can't say much. I guess I didn't know what Watchmen really is about, prior to watching it.

9. Role Models - I think Paul Rudd is going to be big in the comedy movies scene. He's hilarious!!

10. Street Fighter: Legend of Chun Li - It's pretty good, not as chock full of action as I was expecting though.

11. Dragonball Evolution - This was pretty cool! Didn't know anything about Dragonball before. Cool effects and fight scenes!

12. The International - Clive Owen is one of the most underrated actors around. He was brilliant in this one, as he usually is in all his other movies. The movie itself though, was just ok. It did however have a great shooting scene, the one that took place in a building with a circular structure.

My top 3 pick - Underworld, Bride Wars, Eden Lake!

Of thieves, dolls and a wicked nurse

2009-11-23T07:06:00.000-08:00

For the past few weeks, I have been watching several TV series on DVDs. Most of them, I like, others are, well, average.

Hawthorne - I've always been a fan of Jada Pinkett Smith ever since I saw Set it Off, but this series took a long while before it pulls me in. And then it let me go again. There are some really good sad scenes, but seriously lacking funny moments. And then there's the hair. Big. Way too big.

Party Down - This one's cool. Quirky lines and characters. Half-an-hour episodes packed with cool scenes and bad (as in good) lines! Soup and Crackers anyone?

Leverage - I liked this one right away from the pilot episode. I especially like Parker (cool name for a girl!). They've got some cool mission too, it reminds me of some scenes from Alias (Hope J.J. Abrams make a movie out of it one day!)

Dollhouse - Eliza Dushku rocks!!! I liked Tru Calling, but it got cancelled. And after a couple of episodes, especially after seeing Sierra in action, I got hooked on this too! And then came the news............................CANCELLED!! Bloody hell. But at least we'll get to see season two. Not sure what good that'll do though, knowing the excitement will be short-lived.

Nurse Jackie - Now this one's oozing with fun!! I cracked a laugh (big one!) early on in the pilot episode. Crazy (not mental crazy.....or maybe a little bit) , drug-dependant chief nurse who's married at home, and single at work. And a killer character in the form of a student nurse, clad in pink uniform, trailing Jackie and kept wanting to give her a hug. Classic fun! Well, my kinda fun anyway. The whole first season is filled with lots of scenes and lines that are funny, sad, quirky (there's that word again), evil, and bloody (well it does take place in a hospital!).

And Nurse Jackie scores!! and she snorts!! Hahaha!!!

Of making friends, losing them and missing games

2009-11-16T08:20:00.000-08:00

I haven't written in a while. Been meaning to, but could never get my fingers to tap on the right keys. I'd call it a writer's block, except, I'm not a writer. So let's just settle for good ol' lazyness.

Over the last few months, a lot has taken place. I've discovered that I had to give up one thing or another. It's not easy, but then, life never is. The ground rules in the real world is never like the ones you set in class. So, while I make new friends, I had to let some go :(

I also went through an angry phase. I was really mad towards certain party's behaviors, in retrospect. But I've calmed down since. But the feeling is not all lost......just laying dormant for now......waiting.

On a lighter-but-still-not-happy note, I've been missing my badminton game for the most part of the year. Not good! Not good at all! It started with the elbow injury / torn muscle thing, and then made worse by my work trips, which will continue till year end. So I suppose by the time I pick that racket of mine up again, it'll be post new year toast. It's so depressing.

I need a hug.......

The Change

2009-08-03T08:39:00.000-07:00

It was my 4th night in dark solitude and I was listening to a string of songs with my W902 when the song The Change came on. I have loved Garth Brooks songs ever since I saw The Thunder Rolls on tv back in my school days.

But I didn't know about this song until about a year back, when I bought The Ultimate Hits album.

My heart feels a little heavy every time I hear this song:

One hand reaches out and pulls a lost soul from harm
While a thousand more go unspoken for
They say what good have you done
By saving just this one
It's like whispering a prayer in the fury of a storm

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

This heart still believes that love and mercy still exist
While all the hatreds rage and so many say
That love is all but pointless in madness such as this
It's like trying to stop a fire
With a mosture from a kiss

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world will know
That it will not change me

As long as one heart still holds on
Then hope is never really gone

And I hear them saying you'll never change things
And no matter what you do it's still the same thing
But it's not the world that I am changing
I do this so this world we know
Never changes me

What I do is so
This world will know
That it will not change me

Of procrastination, black out and camping out

2009-07-31T05:33:00.000-07:00

I was in Kuching since Wednesday this week and had just got back to KL today. As usual, the first thing I did as I enter my apartment was to switch on the fan. The fan didn't move. And so I flicked the switched again. and again. and then again. Nothing. I went out and saw the neighbors lights switched on. I said to myself "It can't be the bill cos payment was done earlier this week".

So I went to the management office to check. The lady behind the counter asked "Have you changed your meter to your name?" I said "No". She then said "The developer has instructed TNB to remove your meter and now you have to go to TNB and make the name change" After many Q&A later, I resigned to the fact that there's nothing this lady can do to help me, and the only solution is to go to TNB and do just what she said to me.

I called the developer's office, asking how come I wasn't informed about the drastic action that was gonna take place, the man on the line said there were. After several Q&A later, I realized it was going nowhere and I just have to go to TNB office. So I bought RM10 setem hasil, photocopied my IC and flew to TNB. I got there a few minutes late. The door was locked, the counter was closed. And the guy with the gun wasn't gonna let me in even after I half-begged him. That was that.

Since the office is closed on weekend, I will now brave the next 3 (or more, depending on how long it'll take them to re-connect the meter) nights in darkness. Without A/C. Without TV. Without DVDs. Sigh.

I was mad and angry, and I eventually realized that I should be angry at myself. Cos this was all me. My product. I procrastinated. Like I always do. And I frakking hate it.

I'm writing this post at Starbucks GEM; 2 Iced Venti Passion Tea and counting.

Bought candles and am gonna spend my nights in solitude and self-reflect.

Or I might just go and watch movies now till Sunday night!!!

Will I ever learn???

Of Yasmin Ahmad

2009-07-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

I was at Delucca last night with Jazzy and Azhar, watching Chandra performing on stage with Zailan Razak Project. It was great seeing Chandra perform again after seeing him last at The Alexis bistro in Ampang.

Mid-performance, Zailan made an announcement, and asked us, the audience, to dedicate a moment of silence in respect of Yasmin Ahmad's passing. The news was heart-breaking. And it still is.

I have not seen Yasmin's past movies (regrettably) but I did catch Talentime when it was showing at MBO Ampang with Wan. The movie was deeply moving and heartfelt and it left me in tears. And then there are those tv adverts which, as short as it was, touched the very core of emotions, reminding us of the importance of giving and loving without judgement, which is often overlooked and forgotten.

Kita hanya mampu merancang, Tuhan penentu segala. Semoga roh mu dicucuri rahmat Allah (s.w.t.)

The song Pergi will always remind me of you:

Sayu, terpisah
Hikayat indah kini hanya tinggal sejarah
Berhembus angin rindu
Begitu nyamannya terhidu wangian kasihmu

Hujan lebat mencurah kini
Bagaikan tiada henti
Kaulah laguku - kau irama terindah
Tak lagi ku dengari
kau pergi......pergi

Sepi, tanpa kata
Terdiam dan kaku tak daya kau ku lupa
Apapun kata mereka
Biarkan kenangan berbunga di ranting usia

Of talking it out, iced coffee and control

2009-05-13T08:05:00.000-07:00

I met a friend for a drink today at Pavilion after work and we got to talking about a couple of stuff. I ordered an iced grande 5 pump caramel coffee - my all-time favorite. and no, it's not nearly as complicated as it sounds.

At one point during the chat, I had the feeling of dejavu. I could hear myself saying the same thing I always say in similar conversations in the past. "I think you should talk about it". I realized that I say this a lot. and i mean a lot. a-little-too-much a lot. I say it to death a lot. Ok, you got the idea. The reason I do this is because I truly believe that talking things out is one of the best ways to sort things out. Obviously you're not gonna magically fix everything just by talking, but it will give you an insight to a deeper sense of a mutual understanding. Maybe not every single time, but I'm convinced that you'll discover more, good or bad. And I do this a lot. I'm very accustomed to talking things out with people I work with, friends and family and am glad to say that it more often worked than not. So I guess am gonna stay a fan of talking things out for a while longer, at least. Hehehe.....

I also think that talking things out kinda gives you control. Cos the more you know, the more informed you become. And knowledge is power! Well at least that's what's written on most school walls...hehe. But control can also be messy. I'm sure everybody appreciate a certain sense of freedom. But we also like being in control don't we? In the end, I think it boils down to our willingness to accommodate and compromise. But nobody, nobody at all, should force us to accommodate or compromise. It should be our own birth right.

Except for LOVE. Cos LOVE aint' just a nobody.

The Reader

2009-04-30T22:14:00.000-07:00

I finally got around to seeing this movie and I find it to be a great story.

I've always had a penchant for movies that are sad and moving. Well I obviously am a big fan of lots of movie genres, but movies like this one would evoke those deep thoughts and feelings, one of them being empathy. And I do think that empathy has a lot to do with it, empathy for the characters. If you have this, then you'd enjoy movies more often than not.

Hanna Schmitz once helped a boy in need. A 15 year old. An affair ensues - the boy would read to her, after and/or before you-know-what. But she disappeared one day. Years after, when the boy was in college studying law, he observed a trial of 6 female prison guards of an old war camp, one of which is Hanna Schmitz. Hana and the others are apparently responsible for the deaths of 300 prisoners who died in a fire back in those days.

Throughout the trial, Hanna's answers made her appear naive, ignorant and honest, but the revelation came when Hanna chose to claim responsibility as the leader of the guards rather than letting people know that she can't read and write.

This is where questions come in. Why, would anyone in their right mind, choose life imprisonment over self pride? But then I guess it wasn't pride. It was shame. A sense of shame so deeply rooted within the soul that makes it impossible to admit. And it surely wasn't all shame. Surely there was fear. Fear of consequences. But how can that be? How is it possible to comprehend that consequences of one's admission towards one's inabilities could outweigh consequences of admission for murder?

Whatever Hanna's reasons were, she stood by her decision, even as she shook when the sentence was read in court - guilty of murders on 300 counts - life imprisonment.

Micheal (the boy), now realizing that she's illiterate, sends recordings of his voice reading from some of the books he used to read to Hanna for her to listen to in jail. And this act of kindness (and empathy if I might add) breathes life into Hanna and eventually motivated her to learn to read, and then to write.

On her release day, Michael came to collect her and was informed that she had hang herself in her cell. "She never packed. She never planned to leave" said the guard. But I think she did. She did want to leave the place. Until she found out that there was nothing (or no one) waiting for her outside that prison wall. Until Michael said to her "I wasn't sure what you've learned".

A little empathy could have saved her.

Of balance, ownership and aliens

2009-02-26T06:53:00.000-08:00

I always feel that life has a lot to do with balance.

You gotta balance work with personal life, balance the time spent among people you love, balance your hands on - hands off approach, balance your jokes with your values, balance your addiction to certain things, balance your decisions to always reach a win-win situation, balance your personal thoughts with your sense of professionalism, etc, etc.

It's not easy, but it's a constant requirement.

There are many things that could tip off the balance and ownership is one of them. When you feel that you want to own certain things, processes, responsibilities or success, it drives you to the desired result. That's when the lines of balance get smudged and crooked. It's not about your job - my job anymore, it's more of "what we need to do to get things right".

And that is often where I get into trouble.

When the total balance thingy is screwed, it brings consequences. Feelings change, doubts are raised, emotions are evoked, perspectives flipped over. And sometimes, it can also change your form of existence. You may no longer be a homo-sapient. You take on a totally new form. You become an alien.

When you're an alien, well.............................................then EVERYTHING CHANGES.

Of Kuching, work and Bing!

2009-02-24T04:23:00.000-08:00

Having been in Kuching a while now, I've patrolled the streets and malls a bit in my effort to uncover secrets the town has to offer. Then on one night, I came across Bing! coffee, two shop lot rows behind my hotel.

This was my second visit to Bing!. Khai had brought me here during my first trip to Kuching a few weeks ago. We came to this outlet at first, but was told that their La Marzocco was under repair. A kind staff then suggested for us to go the their only other outlet located somewhere on the way to the airport. Khai wasn't entirely sure so the guy tried his best to give us the simplest of directions. And so we tried and we found the outlet. I ordered a Mochachino and it tasted nice, unsurprisingly since they use illy coffee.

Halfway through our drinks, one of the staff came over and asked whether we came from their other outlet and we said yes. Khai asked why and the staff said the staff we met earlier had called in to find out whether we were able to find our way. We said to ourselves "Now isn't that nice?" It always feel great to encounter such courteous and genuinely nice people in the service line who takes pride in making people happy! That was a big plus point for Bing! for me.

And so I was really happy to have found out that the first outlet I went to was just around the corner! I walked in and had another cup of Mochachino. The environment was great and the staffs seemed friendly.

I am now at Bing again for their coffee, WiFi and their comfy sofas. hehehehe. Naturally I would be at Starbucks but there are none within this part of Kuching town. The nearest one is in The Spring and it would cost me RM12 by cab, one way. Therefore I'm here.

Started working on site today doing room checking and all. The anticipation is building as opening day is just 6 days away!

Hmmm......hope I'll lose some kilos!

Of home and away

2009-02-21T08:47:00.001-08:00

I have been away from home for a few weeks now.

It started from 1st Feb. with my trip to Kuching. I went back to KL on 6th Feb. After spending the weekend in KL I went to Penang on 9th Feb for 5 days. On the eve of valentine's day, I was on my way to KK. After a week in KK, I am now back in Kuching since Friday. I will probably be here until mid March.

I miss my bed and my pillows.

I miss driving my car.

I miss sitting on my sofa, watching dvds.

I miss Rock Corner.

I miss my friends back home.

Guess I'm just not used to traveling and being away from home too long.

That saying of "practice makes perfect" had better be right!

Of reader's digest, memorable interviews and snake massages

2009-02-18T06:46:00.000-08:00

Reading has never been one of my hobbies. Well, not reading books anyway. I read books that are more commonly known as magazines aka FUN books!

Besides movie magazines, my other favorite item has always been Reader's Digest. Back in the early days, the first few things that drew my interest was its collection of "All in a Day's Work" jokes and also those footnotes jokes. Then, over the years, I came to love the real life stories which often centers on courage, hardship, perseverance and love. These stories are so heart-warming that I often find myself reading them with tears in my eyes.

The February 2009 edition I picked up while on the move the other day turned out to be one of the most enjoyable one yet! It has President Obama on its cover with that same, consistent smile of his (seriously, I think every photos of him smiling looks like it's a print out from the same master copy. It's that consistent!). I thoroughly enjoyed reading his interview. He came across as this antonym to what some people think America stands for.

Several pages before that, however, was an article that I definitely did not enjoy reading. The article's title read SNAKE MASSAGES. What the??!!!!! There were only few sentences in that article but its photo was more than enough to illustrate its point - 3 average size (which, by all means, could mean deadly!) snakes; one with black n white stripes, one with orange and red prints and one with long greenish brownish stripes that runs along its body, slithering on a person's body.

You call that a snake massage? I call it a death wish!

The article states the following:

".....a service designed to make your tensions slither away"

"The treatment consists of non-venomous snakes wriggling and hissing across the client's aching muscles and joints......"

"...many people find the snakes have a soothing effect"

Let me get this straight. Snakes wriggling and hissing across your body = a soothing feeling?

I would just die.

Okay, okay...you should know by now that I am not exactly fond of snakes. And no amount of Animal Planet's snakes-are-the-most-wonderful-misunderstood-creature-in-the-world programmes are gonna change my views.

I am obviously aware that they're loved by many in this world. It's just that for someone with a love for massages and fears of snakes, this article really do combine the best and worst of both worlds.

Definitely something to hiss about. Anaconda massage anyone?

Of language, friends and strangers

2009-02-17T08:22:00.000-08:00

Heard from a friend today that I've got some not-so-positive reputation. Someone who hasn't met or know me (read: a total stranger) says that I choose friends, am a bit snotty cos I favor speaking in English than in Bahasa, and that I am a bit aloof.

It's ironic since I have recently answered a question in my tag post -

"What if people don't like you?"

" I have in me, the desire for people to like me, but I also know that in this world, there are people who will not like me, and I can accept that. I would, however, be saddened if the person who dislikes / hates me happens to be someone I like.

So, in this context, I am not deeply concerned that a total stranger has a negative pre-conceived notions of me. What's got me thinking, however is that someone I know, out there, thinks less of me and it could be a reflection of my less-than-good choices or actions.

But am gonna leave it at that.

Am glad that this was said to a friend of mine who was frank enough to inform me.

As for writing this post in English rather than in Bahasa, it's just my personal preference.

Don't judge me :)

Tagged by Sankai

2009-02-13T09:11:00.000-08:00

This is my first post in bahasa melayu. Am not sure if it's gonna be the last.

TANDA TANDA

1. Tanda2 kamu badmood?
Saya tak rasa saya ada badmood. Ada masanya saya marah, segan, malu, bengang, suka dan sebagainya, tapi tidak badmood.

2. Tanda2 kamu marah?
Saya akan diam kerana itulah cara saya untuk meredakan rasa marah. Jika terlampau marah untuk diam, saya akan bagi tahu pendapat saya.

3. Tanda2 kamu sinting?
Gak tahu sih apa itu sinting!

4. Tanda2 kamu malu?
Bila malu saya akan kurang bercakap (sebab kebiasaannya terlampau banyak cakap!).

5. Tanda2 kamu sedang cemburu?
Hmm......sama macam bila saya marah - saya akan diam. Masa tuh saya akan ada banyak senario dan dialog dalam kepala, tapi takkan saya cakap. Semuanya disimpan dalam hati. Saya seorang yang senang rasa cemburu, tetapi saya rasa kita tak patut cemburu. Oleh itu, bila saya cemburu, saya akan diam sebab saya tahu yang rasa cemburu itu salah.

6. Tanda2 kamu sedang sedih?
Mata saya akan berair. Kalo bercakap, suara akan jadi lain. Saya memang senang rasa sedih. kalo tengok filem, sebaris ayat pun boleh buat saya sedih. Kekadang tak perlu ayat langsung pun.......tengok ekspresi muka pun boleh jadik sedih. Sangat menyedihkan kan????

7. Tanda2 kamu gembira?
Saya akan gelak. Gelak saya kuat dan berbunyi pelik. Saya nih memang pelik sikit orang nya. Sikit jer la.

APA

1. Apa warna baju kamu pakai sekarang?
Baju T warna hitam dengan tulisan PETRONAS MALAYSIAN GRAND PRIX 2007. Saya suka pakai baju warna hitam sejak tahun 1999.

2. Apakah kamu termasuk orang yang suka shopping?
Ya, tapi tak selalu shopping, sebab duit guna untuk bayar bil, pinjaman dan hutang.

3. Apakah kamu percaya love at first sight?
Percaya. Saya selalu jugak experience love at first sight nih. Contohnyer masa saya tengok trailer Transformers. kali pertama saya tengok terus jatuh cinta. Baru baru nih, saya tengok trailer Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen pun jadik love at first sight jugak!

4. Apa yang ingin kamu lakukan sekarang?
Benda yang tidak baik.

5. Apa rasa dihati kamu saat ini?
Sunyi.

BILA

1. Bila pertama kali kamu dilahirkan kedunia ini?
6 haribulan Mac, 1975

2. Bila saat terindah dalam hidupmu?
Bila saya lihat mak saya menangis gembira.

3. Bila kali terakhir dimarahi ibubapa?
Rasanya masa di sekolah menengah, sebab mak saya lebih cenderung kepada menegur, bukan memarahi.

4. Bila kali terakhir ehem ehem ehem?
Hehehehehehheheheheheh...........................baru jer tadi.................tersedak bunyi ehem ehem ehem.

5. Bila kamu akan married?
Entah lah. Buat masa ini, getting married bukan keutamaan bagi diri saya. Saya gemarkan kebebasan dan pada saya, apabila seseorang itu berkahwin, dia tidak boleh pentingkan diri sendiri. Dia harus menjadi suami / bapa yang bertanggungjawab dalam segala aspek. Dan saya belum sedia untuk memikul tanggung jawab sebesar itu. Lagi pun, banyak lagi benda yang saya nak capai dan buat yang mungkin tidak tercapai, jika saya kahwin.

BAGAIMANA

1. Bagaimana jika ada orang buat kamu sakit hati?
Selalunya, saya akan diam. Akan tetapi, jika perbuatan orang itu membuatkan saya benci dia, maka besar kemungkinan saya akan benci dia bagi masa yang lama, atau mungkin selama-lamanya.

2. Bagaimana kalau ada orang cakap kamu lawa/hensem?
Saya akan rasa kurang selesa. Memang lah ada rasa seronok, tetapi selalunya saya akan rasa kekok, tak tahu macam mana nak respon.

3. Bagaimana jika ada teman kamu, meninggalkan kamu?
Saya percaya yang setiap individu ada hak untuk buat apa saja yang mereka suka. Tiada gunanya jika ada kawan yang berkawan kerana terpaksa. Saya harap semua kawan kawan saya berkawan dengan saya dengan rasa genuine, bukan buat-buat. Jadi, kalau lah betul betul terjadi di mana kawan saya meniggalkan saya, saya akan terima seadanya. Mungkin saya akan berusaha untuk tahu sebab nya, tapi saya tidak akan paksa.

4. Bagaimana jika ada orang tidak suka sama kamu?
Saya rasa, ada keinginan dalam diri saya untuk diterima / digemari semua orang. Walau bagaimanapun, saya juga sedar yang di dalam dunia ini, sentiasa akan ada orang yang tidak menggemari saya. Saya boleh terima kenyataan ini. Cuma, kalo orang yang tidak gemarkan saya itu adalah orang yang saya suka, saya akan rasa amat sedih.

5. Bagaimana jika kamu bangun kamu di kelilingi api?
Saya pasti akan panik!

6. Bagaimana jika kamu keseorangan?
Saya akan telefon kawan, tengok dvd atau pergi tengok wayang. Saya memang sudah biasa tengok wayang sorang-sorang.

Maaf Sankai, saya tidak dapat untuk teruskan Tag ini kepada orang-orang lain.....

Tapi...............saya tetap sukakan Tag!!!!!

Tag: Complete the sentences

2009-01-31T23:44:00.000-08:00

I was tagged several days back, but have not managed to get it done until today. Wasn't feeling very well for the past few days.

The assignment is as follows -

Rules:

1. Answer the questions below and put the link of the person who tagged you
2. Tag 5 people and let them know by leaving a message in their blog

My idea of going on a date would be...

The worst punishment my parents gave me was... because I...

My most extravagant splurge in the last six months is...

If I can have a super-ability, I'd want to have...

KL is...

My influences in life are...

I have climbed the highest mountain on earth and found the wisest man in the entire galaxy. And I can ask him only one question. I am going to ask him...

My wishes for 2009 would be that...

Lastly, I'd like to be remembered by...

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My idea of going on a date would be.....a dinner and a movie and a supper - on a weekend.

The worst punishment my parents gave me was.....when my mom beat me with a rubber hose because I.....was playing at the playground till late evening and refused to come back home. Kids those days...

My most extravagant splurge in the last six months is...paying RM1600 for a new phone - Sony Ericsson W902 yesterday. Yay!

If I can have a super-ability, I'd want to have....the ability to know other's thoughts and feelings so I can do what it takes to make them happy, or at least try to minimize gaps between my needs versus theirs.

KL is....still the only city for me, despite the traffic and boycot and stuff.

My influences in life are...people who apply Servant Leadership and those who I'm closest to.

I have climbed the highest mountain on earth and found the wisest man in the entire galaxy. And I can ask him only one question. I am going to ask him.....nurture or nature?

My wishes for 2009 would be that.....I'd sing more, write more and listen more, not necessarily in that order.

Lastly, I'd like to be remembered by.....my kind gesture and my caring thoughts. And as the one who never could gather enough courage to dance. hehehe...

1. I was tagged by Face. I'm sorry, I do not know how to put a link here. Thanks for tagging me!

2. I am now tagging Jazzy, Gidong, Bobby and Beruang Madu. Yes, I am short of one, but at least it's one more than the last time.hehehe...

Life and Chains

2009-01-28T07:54:00.001-08:00

I saw the movie Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans for the second time the other day. It was still awesome and it drew my attention to this:

LIFE & CHAINS; You can't have one without the other. The line was uttered by Victor when he demanded respect from Lucian for giving him life.

"How true" - I said to myself. I mean freedom is sought at so many levels in our life and how many of us out there can truly claim that we have total freedom in our hands? Sure, as adults we are free to do many things, but can you really do every single thing your heart desires? Whenever your want? Wherever you want? For as long as you want? I know I can't.

There are words I wanna say, but I won't.
There are challenges I long to do, but I won't.
There are things I wanna change, but I can't.
There are experiences I wanna share, but I can't.
There are ideas I wish to put forth, but I'm scared.
There are things I shouldn't be scared of, but I am.

So while I embrace the freedom I have as an individual, I long for the rights I'm entitled to for being human.

Underworld 3: Rise of the Lycans (spoilers alert!)

2009-01-22T09:49:00.000-08:00

This was my third movie of 2009 and it's one helluva prequel!

It seems like some movie prequels share similar approach - first movie being a combination of style and action, then the sequel injects a more elaborate action sequence and then comes the prequel, with plenty of brutal and hard-core action with a much higher gore factor. Which I like. A lot!!!

One of the effects I like is the Lucian's roar. RROOOARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Very cool. Don't think I've heard such good werewolf roar before this. In fact it reminded me of the first time I heard the sound of that T-Rex in Jurassic Park. Memorably impactful.

Rhona Mitra as Sonja was good, but I kept remembering Kate Beckinsale's Selene (not sure if I spelled that correctly) for some reason. I think it's because Selene had a way cooler outfit - stylishly sexy. And I think Selene's blue eyes looked cooler against her vampire-pale face.

Besides focusing on bites and bloody sword fights, this movie, like any other action movie, touches pretty heavily on the big four letter word that is LOVE.

One of the cliche line uttered in the movie was this:

Sonja: "But you were free"
Lucian: "Not without you"

There's also a funny line. Common, but still funny given the premise:

Lucian: "Are you afraid of me?"
Husky-voiced guy: "Yes"
Lucian: "Don't worry, I won't bite.................much"

By the way it ended, I think we should expect another sequel or two.

Yay!!

Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen - Teaser Poster

2009-01-20T08:16:00.000-08:00

Ever since the first word got out about Hollywood making a real life action movie of Transformers, my excitement towards it never cease.

I saw the first Transformers movie 3 times at the cinema and then countless more times on dvd, which I booked pre-sale from the US through the dvd shop at Cineleisure. I remember gasping in the cinema hall when the Dreamworks and Paramount logos came on screen with that signature robotic scramble sound. The special features on the dvd rocks!!!!

The movie blew me away. And that doesn't happen often. Cos I'm heavy. hehehe. ok,ok, bad joke. Seriously, it did. That's why I'm super excited to have found this teaser poster. REVENGE IS COMING. Sounds like a bad-ass decepticons vengeance in full force. COOL!!! Looks like the robots are evolving too, which is even COOLER!!! And if you add Soundwave to it, now that would be COOLEST!!! I am personally an autobot fan myself, but it's hard not to be awed when most of the decepticons are all military vehicles and equipment.

We should be able to see a teaser trailer in February or March I think.

Can't wait!!!!

Of culture-leading, movie-fasting and failed dvd hunting.

2009-01-19T05:40:00.000-08:00

Last week was a little different for me, but in an interesting way.

The discussion I had with my superior led to me leading a certain aspect of the work place, which was really great, since it's an area which I'm very interested in - Culture. I know it's no small feat, but I am all for it! Of course, I'm also very glad that I have the very person I need to co-lead (here comes the setting of expectation!) all the efforts that needs to take place from the year 2009 onwards. That would be none other than Titu. hehehe.

Well obviously, just us two won't be enough. So we'll be collaborating our efforts with others in the workplace. After all, it's been a while since our last cross-functional committee. All aboard!!!!

Movie-wise, it was an uneventful week for me. Nothing interesting to watch. Decided not to see Outlander since someone told me it's not very good. So yeah, I've been movie-fasting for more than a week now.

The dvd-hunting didn't help either. I wonder why my 2 regular dvd shops were closed last weekend. Hopefully it's not because of you-know-what. And they better not be taking an early CNY break!!!!! not before I get my stock for the festive period anyway. Or else I'd be forced to watch those unwatched dvds I got stacked beside my TV. Poor me.

Tag: 2008 Cute's 3LOGGER AWARD

2009-01-14T07:36:00.000-08:00

1. Copy badge "2008 Cute's 3logger Award" di atas untuk diletakkan di blog anda.

Done!

2. Link/ceritakan kembali siapa yang memberikan award ini kepada anda.

I was tagged / awarded by Sankai. Thanks Sankai! :)

3. Setiap blogger mesti menyatakan 10 fakta/hobi diri sendiri sebelum memilih penerima award seterusnye (anda di-tag).

i) I hate vegetables. Always have, always will. I steer away from them as much as I can and when I can't, a dressing, mayonnaise, or any kind of sauce would help to make it bearable for me. It's a little weird though, take for instance, beansprout. If at a Teppanyaki restaurant, I'd never touch them, but have them rolled up in a spring rolls, I'd gobble them all up! Yeah, like I said, weird.

ii) I love driving fast. Maybe because I have the tendency to doze of behind the wheel. It's either that or some other unexplained reasoning. So that also means I am not in favor of those who hogs the right lane driving 60kmph.

iii) I don't watch ghost movies, not since I started staying alone. I blame my awfully vivid imagination for that. I can deal with slasher / monster / zombies movies (they're actually my favorite genre!) but not ghosts ones. And no amount of persuasion is gonna make me change my mind.heheheheh. Seriously.

iv) I have this wish that I must see Andrea Bocelli live in concert before I die. I guess we'll just have to see won't we?

v) I have a bit of OCD in me. Am not telling you what it is exactly - only a few know about it. Let's just say that some involves counts and others involves movements. But then again it wouldn't be called OCD if it didn't eh. hehehehehe. Nothing major though............I think.

vi) I love to sing! My mom said that I used to sing non-stop in the shower. I don't really do it that much anymore, in the shower I mean. Sometimes I think I can tell what the next few words would be in a line. I listen to R&B, Jazz, Pop, Rock, Classical, Dance, a little techno, a little country, and Motown.

vii) I am a MOVIE FREAK!! I think movie marathons are cool; I saw the LOTR - extended versions marathon 3 times and loved every single minute of it! I watch movies that I like multiple times; at the cinemas and of course on dvds. I'm always on the look out for memorable lines and scenes for me to remember each movie by. I dislikes very few movies so far in my life because I normally manage to find good bits in almost all the movies I watch.

viii) In my family, I am the youngest of age, biggest of size. Actually I was a skinny kid at first. So skinny that my neighbors would wonder if I was eating at all. In fact so skinny that my mom got worried (also due to peer pressure from the neighbors I think) that she got me some pills - pills that would increase my appetite. And so it did! Hahahaha!!

ix) I enjoy playing badminton a lot! In fact, that's the only sport I'm into. If it's up to me, I'd play badminton every single day! Any takers??

x) I joke a lot, I laugh a lot, I tease a lot, I sleep a lot, and I talk a lot. For all these lots, I apologize :)

4. Anda perlu memilih 5 penerima award seterusnye dan menyatakan nama mereka di blog anda.

Hmmm.....that's gonna be difficult, since I'm not linked to many bloggers, so I'm afraid I can only tag 2 of them. So I'm tagging Gidong-Noumad and Jazzy.

5. Jangan lupe melawat blog kawan anda dan meninggalkan komen yang menyatakan mereka telah ditag.

Done! Yay!

Of long and short

2009-01-13T07:57:00.000-08:00

I was at Old Town today, getting online. I wanted to show a friend of mine something on facebook, but it took ages for the page to load. I waited..............and waited and then I waited some more. The screen didn't even blinked. And I lost my patience. So I screamed!!!!!!!!!.........in my mind, of course. I do wanna be able to go back there. hehe.

The incident got me thinking about my attention span and my patience. Here's what I know so far:

1. I prefer playing Ridge Racer 4 than some other car race game cos in RR4, you can just accelerate from the get-go without having to worry about crashing into other cars or getting stopped for repair, which means longer race time.

2. I'm not crazy about strategy game or those that has 15 levels and the only way for you to advance is to unlock tons of mysteries along the way. Perhaps it's because I lack in genius brain matter, but I'd like to think it's because of the long wait.hehe.

3. I often stop viewing YouTube halfway because it takes so goddamn long to fully download. It keeps buffering!! and I don't have the patience to wait.

4. I normally hates it when someone would tell me something and then keeps on explaining and explaining and giving me reasons for it even after I've said yes and have totally agreed to what they were saying.

5. I hate driving slow and long-distant driving cos it takes a long time to get to wherever it is I'm going. But that doesn't mean I'm a speed demon. Cos I'm not.

I guess about the only thing I like longer than shorter is...sleep. And you know why - The body needs to rejuvenate, that's why.

Seven Pounds

2009-01-11T03:01:00.001-08:00

Jenn, a colleague of mine, told me about a movie titled Seven Pounds the other day at breakfast. Today, I found it at my usual dvd joint.

As usual, the first thing I do when I got home was to test it out to ensure it's working fine, quality and all. I normally pick a mid point scene for the test. For this movie, that a-minute-or-so scene I happened to pick immediately drew my attention. So I straight away clicked Menu and then Play.

Now, if you're not into spoilers, this is where you need to stop reading, wait till you see the movie and then come back, read the post and then comment. Hehehehe. But if you don't exactly live for surprises, then by all means, read on. And I thank you for that.

The movie doesn't let on much from the very beginning. It's interlocking plot gradually unfolds, scene by scene, character by character. What it does, however, is giving you hints of how it might all ends. The storyline touches on a variety of human feelings and emotions; regret, hope, determination, sadness, patience and trust among others.

This story tells of a man who seeks to redeem himself from his past mistake, a mistake that has taken 7 human lives. He now dedicates his life to finding 7 other lives - 7 good souls who need help the most. And to help make their lives better.

As you get closer to each character, you'll see means and ways of how the human spirit can touch and change a person forever. You'll be reminded of how easy it is at times to make someone happy. And that at other times, it requires the biggest act of sacrifice. Therein lies the ending - he gives up his life to save 7 souls, in redeeming himself againts those 7 lives he took away.

The final scene was very emotional as 2 characters, one having his heart and another seeing through his eyes, hugged in tears of overwhelming gratitude and sadness.

Anyway, all these words doesn't do justice to the movie so I suggest you wait for when it screens and see for yourself. Oh yeah, don't forget that box of tissues, even if you don't need them, cos the person sitting next to you might ;)

Tag: 2008 stuff list

2009-01-09T08:40:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Face, so here goes!

1. Where were you on midnite Dec 31, 2007?

I honestly can't remember!

2. 5 favorite movies of 2008?

Sepi
The Dark Knight
The Mist
Speed Racer
The Happening

3. Worst movie(s)?

10000 B.C.
The Spirit

4. 5 songs you played to death in 2008?

Chasing Pavements - Adele
American Boy - Estelle
Seribu Tahun - Imran Ajmain
By Your Side - Sade
Dirty Little Secret - Sarah McLachlan

5. 5 games/activities you did in 2008?

Badminton - once or twice weekly
Massage - less often than badminton
Hiking - less often than massage (actually it's just that one time)
Going to the movies - probably more often than badminton
Conducting phone screening and interviews - for work

6. Number of crushes you had in 2008?

A couple

7. Number of heartbreaks you had in 2008?

None

8. Number of hearts YOU broke in 2008?

One. And I'm sorry.

9. Number of people you made cry in 2008?

One - my mom, during Raya (does that count?).

Yes Man

2009-01-07T08:21:00.000-08:00

I arrived in Kota Kinabalu (KK) today for a meeting at 1Borneo. The meeting went ok and right after it ended I went straight to GSC to check out what the cinema has to offer. I got two tickets to Yes Man, one for me and another for my colleague, the cookie monster.

I'm not exactly a big fan of Jim Carrey and his facial contortions, but the trailer looked nice and I was pretty sure that he has evolved from all those a-little-too-funny-that-it's not-funny-anymore characters of his.

Throughout the movie, I laughed out loud several times, which was so unlike me. Hehehe. There were also parts that were kinda predictable and a tad un-funny but it was all saved by Zooey Deschanel, whom I really like nowadays. I've been a fan of hers since the movie Elf, which happens to be one of my favorite xmas movies.

A few take aways from the movie:

1. It is important to say what you mean and mean what you say, no matter how hard.

2. Life is never just black and white, it is often grey.

3. Jogging photography is very in nowadays. Hehe.

This was my second movie for the year and yes, I'm saving the stub!

Of birthdays, coffee and ghosts(!!!!)

2009-01-06T07:25:00.000-08:00

Monday was Tuty's mum-in-law's birthday and I got invited for dinner at Hokkaido at Pekeliling. I've never been there before (chances are, some of my close friends probably have) but was pretty sure it's a good pick, knowing Tuty and family. Tuty's like a walking food google by the way (See it as it was meant Tuty, as a compliment! hehehe....)

And it sure was good because it was an air-conditioned dining area. Kidding.... I mean the food was really good. My particular favorite was the Ikan Goreng 3 Rasa. C'est magnifique!!! I gotta go back there again sometimes. And you should join me.

We always have pretty good chats, me Tuty and family. However that night, our conversation took a wrong turn (no, not the one with Eliza Dushku, but pretty close). Somehow, the topic of supernatural being (my favorite........NOT!) came up and I could have sworn I saw dad-in-law's eyes light up! He started telling me these ghost stories and some recollections of his own experiences. He was very enthusiastic but I just wanted to finish up the fish. hehehehe... Tuty came to my rescue, telling him I'm not into these things, or hearing bout them, or seeing them, or having anything to do with them.....so after a couple of attempts, we changed topic. Phew! A little more further and I was gonna walk in backwards! Sorry I couldn't be more enthusiastic uncle Ross.

All in all, dinner was excellent, thanks to Tuty and family. Happy Birthday Eve!

Today, Tuesday, I met up with a friend at Jaya One Starbucks after work for some Iced Venti Hazelnut Latte and whadda ya know? Ghost stories came up! Wha??? It's like the topic of the week or something! But Syp was quick enough to stop (cos I made sure he did! hehehe..). Sorry Syp.

So I'm taking the opportunity now to set some expectations okay people:

Meet up for chats - Yes.

Birthday dinner - Yes.

Starbucks Coffee - absolute yes.

Ghost stories - NO thank you.

Sharing is so not caring when it comes to that. Just not a fan, that's all :)

Of chats, dvd and Aji Don.

2009-01-05T05:59:00.000-08:00

After about a week of sleeping late and waking up early, I was looking forward to redeeming all that lost sleep last Friday. I have arranged to meet with an ex-colleague at Plaza Damas at 3pm the next day, so there's plenty of time to sleep in. And sleep in I did. All 12 hours of it. Good to know I have the will power when it counts the most. Hahaha!

We agreed to meet at Aji Don, which happens to be one of my favorite place for food. I like a lot of the foods there; Mee Rebus, Popiah Basah, Chicken Rice and Char Kuey Tiaw, but since I'm not there often enough, I always end up ordering the Mee Rebus and Popiah after which I tell myself "next time, I'll order the rest". And then the next time, I'd end up ordering the same thing. That's how good the Mee Rebus and Popiah are! The only setback is that they close on Sunday (business must be real good huh!).

We got talking about our past experiences together and it was fun looking back. Plenty of laugh. We also talked about what we want out of our jobs and times when we consider making a change, and so the conversation took a more serious turn. I guess everyone have those moments when you'd take a step back, pause and ask yourself "Am I happy?" "Do I want more?" "Can I wait?" and a host of other questions. I think it's what makes us human.

We were joined by another friend of mine later and after my ex-colleague left, we went to look for a dvd. My friend has been looking for this particular movie for a long time and I knew just where to get it! Strangely enough, I was hungry after that. Well, half an hour of dvd browsing can really drain you, so I had no choice but to go for a second helping at Aji Don. Poor me. hehehe. This time it was CKT and more Popiah. and a bit of Murtabak. Blame Syp, not me. hehehe.

Saturday is just 5 days away now....................................................Aji Don anyone? :)

Australia (spoilers alert!)

2009-01-03T10:40:00.000-08:00

I started the first day of the year with a breakfast and a movie.

I saw Australia with Jazzy at MBO. I was a bit worried that it might be draggy since it is 2 hours and 45 minutes long, but hey, i'm an optimistic movie freak, so i went ahead and got the tickets. hehe.

It turned out to be a good movie. It does have more romance than war action but it wasn't a problem. One of the elements I like in the movie is its Aborigine's tale and perspective, particularly Nullah and King George.

Here are some memorable lines from the movie:

"I'll sing you to me"

"Just because it is, doesn't mean it should be"

"I can say your name!"

I kept Australia's ticket stub in a box where I'll be saving all other ticket stubs of movies I'll watch this year. I plan to have a summary of 2009 movies at year end.

It'll be cool..........I think.

Consistently inconsistent

2009-01-03T10:03:00.000-08:00

That's what came to mind when i was thinking of how i would maintain my blogs - consistently inconsistent. After all, that's how it's been so far - big gaps in between posts. It's not writer's block coz you actually need to be one to have one. And I'm not one. So call me lazy. hehe.

However, in the spirit of a new year and all, here i am, starting yet another blog, confident as ever. And am feeling good about it. Don't get me wrong, this is not a new year resolution. It's just something I'm setting out to do and starting it on the fourth day of the year sounds about right.

You see, my other blog; sirenbrewedforlife.blogspot.com is where i talk about the life i had as a Starbucks partner between September 1999 until March 2007. It's about that and nothing else. So, naturally, i need another platform to talk about other things in my life.

That is what My Life, My Voice is created for.

Ready, set, go!