Thursday, January 14, 2010

Of dinner, luck and odyssey

On last friday, 8th January, my company held an annual dinner, in collaboration with several other sister companies. It was announced much earlier that there will be a lucky draw and days before the dinner date, there were emails announcing several great prizes up for grabs, namely 37" LCD TV, Nintendo Wii, RM3000 cash, home theatre system, a few laptops, etc. So I said to myself "Wouldn't it be cool if I get to bring home any of these cool prizes?".

However, if past lucky draws is any indication, luck hasn't been on my side. One of the biggest prizes I've ever won was a reading lamp. Yup.........a freakin reading lamp. Why the f word? Because it came without a lamp, and without a plug point. Apparently, those are items sold separately. Hahaha!!! But still, it was free. Joy.

So, this time around, me and Tuty were discussing about our luck and wondering what we'll get, wish list and all. Dream is nice :)

Fast-forward to the night of the event - Food was nice, venue was cool, people were great. And then came the lucky draw. First several prizes up for grabs were One Way Business Class Odyssey Bus Ticket from KL to Singapore for Two Persons. So the first name was called - not me, then the second - also not me, then the third - guess what? *drumroll* Muhamad Safuan!!! The crowd cheered!!! and I went "damn......I was supposed to get the TV or Wii or something." Oh well............I can't say I was truly surprised, given the history of my winnings. LOL!!

So, I laughed, Tuty laughed, everybody laughed.

The draw continued - more Odyssey bus tickets to be won, and after a few names, another name was called, one which brought me utter delight. Hehehe...Teuku Tutyliana!!!! LOL!!!! I laughed myself to tears!!! Hahah!!!! She won the very same prize I won!!! How's that for luck!!! Hahahah!!!! So, the same ritual ensued - Tuty laughed, I laughed (and way louder this time!), everybody laughed. Sufficed to say that Tuty was stalking me!! LOL!!

But we got good news the day after the event. The One-Way tickets turned out to be Returned tickets, so all-in-all, it's not too bad.

Better than a lamp-less, socket-less study lamp I must say!

Hmm........maybe next year I'll win a house, or a car, who knows! :P

Friday, January 1, 2010

Of truth, acceptance and holding on

On most weekends, when I wake up in the morning (or afternoon :P) and leave the bedroom, I normally go to the couch and put on a dvd. It's almost like a ritual snooze moment before I get to starting my day. Only I'm awake and not still in bed.

Today, I put on Shrink starring Kevin Spacey. One of the quotes on the cover states "Spacey's best performance since Swimming with Sharks". Normally, all these quotes wouldn't account for much, we all know that, especially when I didn't even see Swimming with Sharks, but since it is, after all, Kevin Spacey, I expected the movie to be quite good. And it was.

Spoilers alert!

The story touches on the darker aspects of life - death of a loved one, the struggle of those left behind, drug addiction and an uninspired writer to name a few. The story unravels at a slow pace but it had some really good scenes and moments.

It highlights that when faced with so much grief, we often do not want to acknowledge the truth. or to even know the truth. Cos you feel it in your heart that it is ugly and sad. And so what good will it do to you? So you stall. You tell yourself "When I'm good and ready, when it's time, I'll open it. I'll find out." Only you have no idea when that will be. Heck, you don't even wanna know when you'll know.

So you focus on things that make you feel good. Things that calm you down. Things that could have you so focused that you stop thinking of everything else. Things that make the world go silent. And as long as you can keep doing this, everything else is off less importance.

And if, you stumble upon anyone whom you feel you could trust and confide in, and feel safe with, then you just might give in a little. Especially when you feel that they've gone through something similar and therefore could relate to how you're feeling. At the very least, you're not alone.

So.....when you finally find the spot where you start to feel safe, loved and worthy of it again, you'll find acceptance. You'll find the courage to face the truth, even if it breaks your heart all over again. Because deep down in your heart, you know, that you can't keep holding on to the past. And yes, it'll never go away. It'll only be easier, in time.

Well that's what you hope for anyway.