Of truth, acceptance and holding on

On most weekends, when I wake up in the morning (or afternoon :P) and leave the bedroom, I normally go to the couch and put on a dvd. It's almost like a ritual snooze moment before I get to starting my day. Only I'm awake and not still in bed.

Today, I put on Shrink starring Kevin Spacey. One of the quotes on the cover states "Spacey's best performance since Swimming with Sharks". Normally, all these quotes wouldn't account for much, we all know that, especially when I didn't even see Swimming with Sharks, but since it is, after all, Kevin Spacey, I expected the movie to be quite good. And it was.

Spoilers alert!

The story touches on the darker aspects of life - death of a loved one, the struggle of those left behind, drug addiction and an uninspired writer to name a few. The story unravels at a slow pace but it had some really good scenes and moments.

It highlights that when faced with so much grief, we often do not want to acknowledge the truth. or to even know the truth. Cos you feel it in your heart that it is ugly and sad. And so what good will it do to you? So you stall. You tell yourself "When I'm good and ready, when it's time, I'll open it. I'll find out." Only you have no idea when that will be. Heck, you don't even wanna know when you'll know.

So you focus on things that make you feel good. Things that calm you down. Things that could have you so focused that you stop thinking of everything else. Things that make the world go silent. And as long as you can keep doing this, everything else is off less importance.

And if, you stumble upon anyone whom you feel you could trust and confide in, and feel safe with, then you just might give in a little. Especially when you feel that they've gone through something similar and therefore could relate to how you're feeling. At the very least, you're not alone.

So.....when you finally find the spot where you start to feel safe, loved and worthy of it again, you'll find acceptance. You'll find the courage to face the truth, even if it breaks your heart all over again. Because deep down in your heart, you know, that you can't keep holding on to the past. And yes, it'll never go away. It'll only be easier, in time.

Well that's what you hope for anyway.